A Togruta Reflects
by david.davies.5851
Summary: On Shili five years after her life changed radically and four and a half years after the creation of the Empire, a certain young female Togruta reflects on the Empire, its creation, what happened to her former master and whether this was all her fault. One Shot.


**Hi everyone. I've had this idea for a little while and I've decided to write it. Don't worry; it won't affect any of my other stories as it's just a one shot. To be different, it fits in with what we know as canon so far (although I'm sure that will change as more things come from Lucasfilms). Anyway, I hope you all like this as it will be very different from everything else I've written.**

**A Togruta Reflects**

The young Togruta opened her eyes; her crystal blue orbs taking in her surroundings; the very same surroundings that she came to five years previously and Shili was beautiful at this time of the year. The late summer sun danced across the plains of Turu-grass that she could see from her hut and it gave her a hint of peace in her heart. Five years? Had it really only been five years? Somehow, it felt longer. Somehow, she felt like she'd aged decades. She glanced down at herself. Certainly, her montrals and lekku had only just reached their full adult length, but she knew that she'd aged more than that in reality.

In fact, she knew that she aged more than that the second they accused her of murder and sedition. She knew that she aged more than that the moment she had to run from people she'd once called friends; the moment she stood defenceless in that courtroom facing execution. She was certain she was about to be sentenced to death that day. But for the grace of the Force…How could they have possibly believed that she was guilty? She shook her head. Even now, that hurt the most. However, she knew that she aged the most the second that she made that decision; the one that she could no longer reverse even if she wanted to. But the Empire…..The Empire had made that impossible.

Fortunately, the state of the galaxy was no longer her concern. Her duty to the people of the galaxy ceased the moment that she walked down those temple steps. It was a good thing too. She wasn't naïve enough to think that she was totally safe. She knew that her name was written somewhere on the Emperor's hit list to be killed like all the other Force-sensitive people in the galaxy. However, she didn't have to fight. She could just lay low and live in peace and she hoped that it would keep the storm troopers away, at least for a while. No, she would leave the fighting to those whose duty it was. For her, the Empire was too personal.

That's not say she was happy however. The darkness of this empire had clouded everything and now, even the Force felt black, alien, and even distant to her. So far, although there was an Imperial presence on the planet, The Empire had left Shili mostly alone. She was grateful for small mercies and she thanked the Force for it, but she knew it wouldn't last. Like everything ran by the Sith, this empire would seek to enslave, seek to destroy those who didn't agree with it and seek to persecute everyone and everything for the benefit of the Emperor; for the benefit of Vader.

Ah, Darth Vader; a vision of mechanical menace, but she knew. Oh yes, she knew. Okay, technically maybe, she didn't know. After all, no one had told her, she hadn't read it anywhere and she certainly hadn't met Vader yet, but in her heart, she knew; in her feelings, she knew. In fact, she knew the instant she felt Skyguy's intense pain and fear. She knew the instant the bond that she used to share with him snapped so violently that it left her on her knees and breathless, and the most sobering of all, she knew the instant that the Force cried out in anguish over hundreds of dead Jedi.

Guilt washed over her; just like it had for the last four and a half years. She was still alive because she had walked away, but, was she at fault for all this? She had asked herself that very question time and time again since that fateful day when freedom died. After all, she was well aware how tightly Anakin used to hold on to attachments and she was well aware of the fact that he loved her like his daughter. Did Anakin fall because she betrayed him by walking away? It certainly wasn't her intention. As she told him at the time, it wasn't about him. It wasn't him that she was leaving. It was the council that had abandoned her to the firing squad that she left. However, as she looked back, the effect of her decision was written on his face and the emptiness that she sensed in the Force at that moment. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't escape the fact that her decision must have contributed to his downfall and her being filled with pain as she realised that it was the galaxy that had paid the price.

How many times, when she was a youngling in the temple, was she told that a Jedi does not dwell in the past? She left out an amused chuckle. She had been told more times than she could really count, or remember. However, she had not been a Jedi for five years so for her, dwelling in the past was something that had become part of life. She refused outright to let it dominate her as she had a new life now as a member of her tribe and a huntress, but how could she fully escape her past? To be a Jedi Master and on the High Council had been her purpose; her reason to train so hard and suck every ounce of wisdom, skill and trickery out of Anakin Skywalker that she possibly could. It was simply impossible for her not to think about how that destiny was robbed from her by a failing Republic senate, an overly ambitious admiral and a Jedi Council who were more concerned with their standing than the truth.

The young Togrutan woman shook her head again as that thought brought more connections and attachments long past to the forefront of her mind, especially since one of them turned out to be so very right. "Ah Barriss, I must give you that, you were right." Barriss Offee, even after five years, the very thought of her former best friend brought more pain into her being. Why? Why did she turn against her? She didn't know and in fact, she realised that, for certain, she never would. What happened to Barriss after she confessed that day? Again, she truthfully didn't know, but given the state that the Republic was in at the time and the fact that a Sith Lord was in charge, she doubted Barriss' fate would have been particularly merciful.

There was no doubt in her mind though, that the words that Barriss Offee spoke after Anakin had dragged her into her trial continued to haunt her. Those words were part of the reason that she made that decision as there was undoubted truth in them. In fact, the young Togruta had asked herself another couple of questions since she heard those words. How much had the Jedi Order brought about its own fate? How much could she forgive? She certainly didn't truly know the answer to the last question just yet and she wasn't sure exactly when she would.

As for the first question, there was no doubt in her mind that public opinion had turned against the Jedi back then. That was evident when she had watched the formation of the Empire on the HoloNet. The cheers in the senate over the Emperor's speech sickened her as did how easily everyone believed him about the Jedi trying to attack and overthrow him. She felt some shame, however, as she remembered that even she wondered for a couple of seconds at the time before she finally came to her senses and realised that it was an elaborate Sith lie. It made her realise though, that the Jedi were distant, obscure and arrogant and she had been a victim of that. However, unlike the Sith and unlike Barriss, she had no intention of seeking revenge and she definitely had not wanted the entire Order wiped out.

There was also no doubt in her mind that, just like how she had been handled, the Jedi Council hadn't handled Anakin well either. True, she didn't know exactly what had occurred inside the Order immediately beforehand, but in the last several months that she was with him, Anakin had told her about the council not trusting him and that how he didn't agree with how they were doing things. If she was honest, she had to agree. She had seen evidence that Anakin was, at some level, right and she could still remember Master Kenobi faking his own death to pretend to be a bounty hunter. That was just one example; she knew that there were others.

Then, of course, there was Padmé. She remembered crying when she heard of her death. She knew that that situation hadn't been handled well either. As she hinted to her former master as she walked away, she was well aware that there was a connection between him and Padmé. It didn't take her long after hearing about Padmé's death for her to fully figure out what it was and she had to wonder if the secrecy surrounding Anakin and Padmé's marriage was what truly contributed to his downfall. What would have happened if the council had have found out?

The young Togruta sighed. She knew, of course, that she herself had not been blameless on the love front. Even after five years, she was well aware that there was still a very small part of her heart that she would give to Lux Bonteri in a heartbeat. Although she had got over the crush that she used to have for him, even if she hadn't one hundred per-cent, she still wondered what became of him. As a Republic Senator, he would have been expected to continue on as an Imperial Senator. Somehow, however, she couldn't see him doing that; at least she hoped he wouldn't. Somehow, she had the feeling that he would help in some form of rebellion. She wasn't sure, however if she was happy about that or not. She didn't want him to get killed.

In fact, that only confused her more. During her time as a Jedi, she had been brought up to believe that love was dangerous; a hyperspace jump to the Dark Side. It certainly seemed to be for her former master, but was it really always dangerous? She hoped not.

She knew that for her, it was an important question. She knew that there was a Togrutan male in the village that did have his eye on her. She had seen him looking at her and she had sensed his feelings for her although, of course she couldn't openly show her connection to the Force. She knew that it was only a question of time before he plucked up the courage to ask for her company and truthfully, she had no idea how she was going to answer. However, whether it was Dark Side or not, she had to admit that it felt nice to be wanted romantically and physically.

There was one thing that love definitely was, however. Love was hope. She knew that even before she left the Order and it was because of that that she had hope. She knew that Anakin Skywalker had always felt love for those close to him and she knew in her heart that the Dark Side hadn't driven it out of him completely. The Force had confirmed it. Even though she couldn't do it, somebody at some point would bring it out of him; she knew it. Then, the Empire was doomed.

For this reason, she knew that her own decision not to get involved with fighting the Empire wasn't selfish. She did not need to be a heroine; not anymore. She did not need to be a Jedi. She couldn't be at the moment anyway. She was still too conflicted; too uncertain. Maybe one day, true light would return to the galaxy; not a corrupt Jedi Council placating an equally corrupt senate, but a true Jedi Order based on trust and hope. When that happens, maybe she could pick up some lightsabers again but until then, she smiled as she realised that all she needed to be was: Ahsoka Tano, female Togruta huntress and local peacemaker. In that regard, she had found her freedom. She knew that someday, the rest of the galaxy would do the same.

**The End**

**Well, what do you all think? I wrote this since for now, we aren't going to see Ahsoka again as far as I'm aware and I wondered if she would feel any guilt about leaving the Order only to watch the Sith take over and I thought that the question about whether she was responsible would go through her mind. Anyway, thank you for reading; I hope you enjoyed it.**


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